So this is going back to last December. A good friend is friend with the founder and “therapist” of this place
He was interested in me and it all seemed friendly and they invited me to chat with them about my experience of coming out and transitioning. Back then, I used to be much more enthusiastic so I agreed, without knowing what I’m really getting into. They seemed nice to my face but the feedback to my friend was that my condition was clearly caused by the death of my mother (?????? even tho it began 4 years before her passing) and it’s simply a result of me not having a proper family and needing to belong somewhere, therefore I decided to find comfort in the LGBT community. They’ve come to the same conclusion about someone else as well. To my face, all they said was positive things and what smart and beautiful young lady I am….. So now I’m on a mission since they apparently “help” Lgbt people, although I would really love to know what that help entails.
I really am looking for people that got involved with them and try to see if they managed to really hurt someone. Here is the thing. I really personally couldn’t care less what the heck they think, because my beliefs about myself have been firm for 25+ years so nothing will change, but they should not be allowed to impose their bs and opinions on kids, since they so proudly claim to be “treating” kids.
They wrote a book called “understanding change” which basically comes down to being a coping guide because if you don’t understand what you’re going through, you fear it and that is why you get sidetracked or become addicted. I do not dispute that most of that statement is true, the issue is based on everything he said, he clearly has no idea what transgender is, or how it effects the person. He long ago decided that it’s wrong and would like to impose his opinion on others. That with a nice touch of God, which is guaranteed for a good combo.
Well, I’m still here. A few months ago I decided to make my blog private as I wanted to figure out what I was going to do with it. I’ve been on hormones for 1 year and 9 month (Holly shit time flies) and a lot of things have changed in my life. I live alone in an awesome place, work is, well….. just work, still run quite a bit, got into photography and spent Liberia’s deficit on gear and I’m pretty fucking happy.
So what I decided to do is to take my pictures down because I’ve gone stealth. Surgery is very near and a lot of my a associates and acquaintances don’t know about my past and frankly, I don’t want to be found out. Not because I care so much what they’d think, but it’s nobody’s business.
I have a LOT to catch up on here. A lot has happened in the past few months. Moved twice, got a different car, photography, down to a size 6 (Crucial I know) made some new great friends, I love my ex as a person to death and we will probably be best friends forever and oh yeah…… family. How could I forget??
I really thought my transitioning with my family is smooth sailing at this point. My father called me daughter on the phone and we’ve had a lot of really good chats, everyone is my family in Hungary is seemingly very supportive, but I also assumed the same of my stepmother. She calls me by my name, but yesterday as we were chatting, she said that she, during childhood, thought about wanting to be a boy but luckily “it corrected itself”, not so much in my case. I can’t find the exact word of translation but the way it sounded in hungarian, clearly implying that it was wring but luckily it ended up being normal again. For some reason, mine didn’t. I was a bit surprised so I asked for clarification and whether she thinks then what I’m doing is wrong She said yes. That it’s abnormal. I was really stunned and didn’t know what to say. So she accepts it, but doesn’t get it really and probably thinks it was caused by external factors. Ultimately, I really don’t know why I even give a shit about what she thinks, I mean after all, this is the person that believes jews are responsible for all the bad things in the world and that the refugee crisis in Europe is only happening because these people want to destroy European culture.
But still. It bugs the shit out of me because based on our chats, I really thought we were on the same page. Clearly I was mistaken.
Marissa’s guide to male to female gender transitioning.
So I’ve been thinking about coming up with this “list” with items I think are most important in gender transitioning.
Sure we might all do it differently and take different approaches to achieve same goal but ultimately, we all want to succeed at “passing” and blending into society.
Why is passing important? This is a question that repeatedly seems to come up and it’s somewhat complex. My SO used to get fairly upset with me while voicing my goal of passing and she would repeatedly ask why passing is so important, since there are CIS women in a variety of different formats and body shapes and society puts too much emphasis on our looks. This is very true, but we don’t necessarily want to look very pretty, we’re just trying to avoid unnecessary attention. Unnecessary attention to me in this case means people looking it at you on the street or poking fun at you, or misgendering you in public, which can be a very hurtful experience. I’m basing the following strictly on my experience and is not meant to be used as a guide, merely a list of suggestions.
Continue reading “My thoughts on early transitioning.”
So I’m on my own, but that’s another entry I don’t feel like writing right now, but my father has mysteriously completely turned around and became an avid supporter in a rather short amount of time. He has gone from calling me Ill and and In a country where instead of treating it, they encourage it. That was February. A month later, he apparently would never deny me my happiness…….
I am not entirely convinced where the change came from, but a conversation with my brother and and nephew took place which turned him around. I think he needed time to absorb the change and he slowly made peace with it, since it’s not going anywhere. These changes are here to say.
Before European Christians Forced Gender Roles, Native Americans Acknowledged 5 Genders
It wasn’t until Europeans took over North America that natives adopted the ideas of gender roles. For Native Americans, there was no set of rules that men and women had to abide by in order to be considered a “normal” member of their tribe.
Continue reading “An interesting read about genders within native communities before Europeans changed it all??”
Already? It’s been forever since I’ve added to my blog. It’s not because nothing important has happened, quite the contrary, but rather because my focus has been elsewhere and most of the things happening in my life aren’t really trans related.
I can’t believe that it’s been over a year since I started popping the little blue pills. I honestly never thought that I would full time by now. I really wasn’t convinced that I will be able to pull off being Marissa 24/7 without significant surgical intervention. Luckily, I was wrong. I’m honestly not sure that much has changed since the 8-10 month mark, but I do know for sure that my boobs are growing pretty nicely, yes the left one is still growing a bit faster than the right but they are taking shape. People tell me I look different since the summer, but I am having a hard time noticing the difference. Although, I should point out that I never actually saw changes in my face, but that’s because I see myself in the mirror all the time.
Continue reading “14 months already? My brother has completely turned around and I’ve gone blonde, then red, yes surgery is coming and I can hardly wait. Running keeps getting better. Oh yes, I’m going to be single and accidents happen…”
So I thought I would add this note. I went to see some friends last nite and the place where we met, was pretty close to the BMO stadium, Toronto’s own football (sorry I mean soccer) stadium for the Toronto FC. Continue reading “A new sensation….This is unnatural”