Stuff people say when hearing about someone coming out…


Whether they believe the things they say themselves is questionable, but I think the majority of time people tend to jump to conclusions because they’re really struggling with the thought and look for things to blame.  Continue reading “Stuff people say when hearing about someone coming out…”

A year wrap up, learning stuff, a documentary series

Gosh I can’t believe 2017 is over. It has come and gone and turned out to be a whirlwind, but totally amazing year really. It’s practically been 2 years since starting the visible part of my journey and along with it, it has brought many challenges and truly amazing experiences.

Work has been VERY stressful in the past 8 months because of product development, and naturally it ended up costing significantly more than we budgeted for both time wise and financially and towards the end of the summer, it was really eating me up, so I decided that the time has come to make time for myself.

Continue reading “A year wrap up, learning stuff, a documentary series”

Still here…….

Well, I’m still here. A few months ago I decided to make my blog private as I wanted to figure out what I was going to do with it. I’ve been on hormones for 1 year and 9 month (Holly shit time flies) and a lot of things have changed in my life. I live alone in an awesome place, work is, well….. just work, still run quite a bit, got into photography and spent Liberia’s deficit on gear and I’m pretty fucking happy.

So what I decided to do is to take my pictures down because I’ve gone stealth. Surgery is very near and a lot of my a associates and acquaintances don’t know about my past and frankly, I don’t want to be found out. Not because I care so much what they’d think, but it’s nobody’s business.


I have a LOT to catch up on here. A lot has happened in the past few months. Moved twice, got a different car, photography, down to a size 6 (Crucial I know) made some new great friends, I love my ex as a person to death and we will probably be best friends forever and oh yeah…… family. How could I forget??

I really thought my transitioning with my family is smooth sailing at this point. My father called me daughter on the phone and we’ve had a lot of really good chats, everyone is my family in Hungary is seemingly very supportive, but I also assumed the same of my stepmother. She calls me by my name, but yesterday as we were chatting, she said that she, during childhood, thought about wanting to be a boy but luckily “it corrected itself”, not so much in my case. I can’t find the exact word of translation but the way it sounded in hungarian, clearly implying that it was wring but luckily it ended up being normal again. For some reason, mine didn’t. I was a bit surprised so I asked for clarification and whether she thinks then what I’m doing is wrong She said yes. That it’s abnormal. I was really stunned and didn’t know what to say. So she accepts it, but doesn’t get it really and probably thinks it was caused by external factors. Ultimately, I really don’t know why I even give a shit about what she thinks, I mean after all, this is the person that believes jews are responsible for all the bad things in the world and that the refugee crisis in Europe is only happening because these people want to destroy European culture.

But still. It bugs the shit out of me because based on our chats, I really thought we were on the same page. Clearly I was mistaken.



My thoughts on early transitioning.

Marissa’s guide to male to female gender transitioning.

So I’ve been thinking about coming up with this “list” with items I think are most important in gender transitioning.

Sure we might all do it differently and take different approaches to achieve same goal but ultimately, we all want to succeed at “passing” and blending into society.

Why is passing important? This is a question that repeatedly seems to come up and it’s somewhat complex. My SO used to get fairly upset with me while voicing my goal of passing and she would repeatedly ask why passing is so important, since there are CIS women in a variety of different formats and body shapes and society puts too much emphasis on our looks. This is very true, but we don’t necessarily want to look very pretty, we’re just trying to avoid unnecessary attention. Unnecessary attention to me in this case means people looking it at you on the street or poking fun at you, or misgendering you in public, which can be a very hurtful experience. I’m basing the following strictly on my experience and is not meant to be used as a guide, merely a list of suggestions.

Continue reading “My thoughts on early transitioning.”

Things are better and different. 

So I’m on my own, but that’s another entry I don’t feel like writing right now, but my father has mysteriously completely turned around and became an avid supporter in a rather short amount of time. He has gone from calling me Ill and and In a country where instead of treating it, they encourage it. That was February. A month later, he apparently would never deny me my happiness……. 

I am not entirely convinced where the change came from, but a conversation with my brother and and nephew took place which turned him around. I think he needed time to absorb the change and he slowly made peace with it, since it’s not going anywhere. These changes are here to say. 

An interesting read about genders within native communities before Europeans changed it all??

Before European Christians Forced Gender Roles, Native Americans Acknowledged 5 Genders


It wasn’t until Europeans took over North America that natives adopted the ideas of gender roles. For Native Americans, there was no set of rules that men and women had to abide by in order to be considered a “normal” member of their tribe.

Continue reading “An interesting read about genders within native communities before Europeans changed it all??”

14 months already? My brother has completely turned around and I’ve gone blonde, then red, yes surgery is coming and I can hardly wait. Running keeps getting better. Oh yes, I’m going to be single and accidents happen…

Already? It’s been forever since I’ve added to my blog. It’s not because nothing important has happened, quite the contrary, but rather because my focus has been elsewhere and most of the things happening in my life aren’t really trans related.

I can’t believe that it’s been over a year since I started popping the little blue pills. I honestly never thought that I would full time by now. I really wasn’t convinced that I will be able to pull off being Marissa 24/7 without significant surgical intervention. Luckily, I was wrong. I’m honestly not sure that much has changed since the 8-10 month mark, but I do know for sure that my boobs are growing pretty nicely, yes the left one is still growing a bit faster than the right but they are taking shape. People tell me I look different since the summer, but I am having a hard time noticing the difference. Although, I should point out that I never actually saw changes in my face, but that’s because I see myself in the mirror all the time.

Continue reading “14 months already? My brother has completely turned around and I’ve gone blonde, then red, yes surgery is coming and I can hardly wait. Running keeps getting better. Oh yes, I’m going to be single and accidents happen…”