Trying to understand people’s looks….
I attended another trade show this week, this time in Seattle. I left early Monday morning and was there until late Friday nite. This was the first time when I really felt felt uncomfortable with people’s looks. I do get some looks in male mode but they’ve been rather subtle and I never really felt disturbed by them but the first nite at registration for the show made me feel pretty bad. I know I should just own my shiz and not care but it’s hard for me to do that when someone goes out of his/her way to keep staring at you like a laser beam every time you walk by. The people in question happened to be cops surprisingly and I seemed to have been their comic relief. A work associate is telling me that I’m over reading into it and that I might be just misunderstanding them. I think she’s right to certain extent but when I walk by them 5 times and every single time, one will nudge the other and they both stare at me as I walk past them, it’s a bit hard to ignore it and not read into it. Yes I confuse people in male mode but for the most part, people have been really cool about it. At the show registration there were a few people aware of me coming because my business partner was kind enough (not) to register me as Marissa instead of my birth name without telling me so I had to change it because at first I was not ready to go in female mode…. This is a good show and it’s not my first time there and I need to point out the fact that it’s packed with rather intelligent people, but still I was a bit worried because first of all it’s in the US and I’m kind of used to Ontario hospitality and open mindedness whereas this place has a lot of people from all over the world, including from the Bible Belt…… There were some that went out of their way to look at my name-tag and I was sure it was because they were trying to see my name which might help them put me into a box labeled either 1 or 0. Some people simply don’t notice anything at all, others just don’t care, but I had the luck of meeting some people in the past few days who became visibly disturbed by the fact that they had no clue where to put me.
There were a few times when people came looking for me by my birth name and when I was pointed out, I could see that my face was definitely not what they were expecting. The funniest of all was Friday morning during breakfast in my hotel, during which time, I had 2 waiters looking after my needs. I was male failing with one and he kept calling me ma’am, the other kept calling me sir which was weird because these people were trying to be polite, which included them calling you sir, or ma’am 72 times per sentence, just to make sure….. I would have loved to tell them to just fucking stop and don’t call me sir or ma’am. So the funny bit was when one guy was coming over asking if “Everything’s OK sir?” While the other came to pour more coffee and added “Here you go ma’am”, pretty much all at the same so they could clearly hear each other and they looked at each other really weirdly, neither one of them approving of the other. That was pretty funny I thought. On another note, my friend insisted that I try on her glasses 🙂
I really liked them I think and surprisingly, I almost wish I could wear them but luckily my eyes are pretty good and no glasses are required.
I’m pretty tired at the moment and there is a good possibility that I forgot includ some other excitement of what went on this week and if I remember, I’ll be sure to add it.